By Suet Yeing

When we first reached Khao Sarn from Bangkok’s international airport, the only thing that was running through my mind was “shopping, shopping, shopping!” and “buy, buy, buy!” After a hearty meal with our guides, I was delirious and all pumped up to terrorize the road side traders with my killer bargaining skills. Excited-nya! True enough, within ten minutes of look-see, the shopping bug hit me when I saw a cute top. I asked the trader for the price of that top, and I got a shock of my life when he told me that it costs 400 baht! When I started to reason with him for a better price (well, to tell you the truth I offered him 50 percent of the original price), he told me his best offer was 350 baht, “farang” (foreigner, usually Caucasians) price!

I was annoyed and truly offended because I felt as if I was just another dumb tourist walking around obliviously along Khao Sarn road, waiting to be slashed by scheming traders when we utter the famous line in all shopping history…”How much?” As I walked on and continued in vain to buy something, anything, that is below 200 baht that I can fit into, I felt that all hope was dashed, because with my really stylish bermudas, old Adidas t-shirt, a cap and a backpack, as well as a really lost look when they utter Thai phrases at me, the word “S-U-C-K-E-R” was all over my forehead!

Well, honestly, we cannot run away from these scheming Baht-crazy locals. Unless we can miraculously speak fluent Thai by going through some crash course before we land ourselves in ‘The Land of Smiles’, we will be sulking instead (but them victimizing us and squeezing every baht available from us does make them smile, guess it all makes sense!). But after shopping in Khao Sarn, Chinatown, Siam Square, Jatujak and almost every stall that I walk past (to brush up my bargaining skills and annoy them by not purchasing in the end…)Here are a few pointers on how to stay sane and not to return home financially damned:

1. Always smile no matter how obnoxious the trader is and start having small talk with him/her (complimenting on them being good looking works 60 percent of the time)

2. Make sure your conversation does not end after ‘How much?’ if you really want to purchase that object. Just put on your “tak tahu malu” face and ask for a lower price.

3. Always start with 70 percent less than the original price given by the trader and increase the offer from there. (The no.1 excuse that I give is that I will be going back the following morning and I have limited cash… I know lying is a sin… but hey… whatever makes the transaction smooth for me…)

4. If no.3 doesn’t work, repeat no.1 before you start begging them for ‘cheaper la… cheaper’ again (It can really get annoying… then you will piss of the dude)

5. If you really like it then you should get it. If you can do without that object (meaning you won’t be whining to people around you after leaving the place) then I suggest you scout around for a better price or risk killing yourself when you bump into the same thing going for 1/3 the price after you bought it!

6. If you do not want to get it then I suggest you show your biggest smile, say “thank you but no” and get out of there A.S.A.P . Usually they would just curse at you in Thai, which really doesn’t bother me because what I don’t understand can’t piss me off…

These six rules are what I have abided to during my entire shopping experience in Bangkok, and I turned out alright and not financially ruined. So hope it helps…